Tag Archives: Arklow

Dreams On Paper

L OBryan

614 Cube 2

Beacon South Quarter

Dublin 18

Tuesday, 6th August, 2019

Laurence,

Here is proof copy number 4 of my saddlestitched book Arklow Voice as well as a copy of my CD, Great Irish Songs which please ignore unless you are Col. Tom Parker reincarnated.

I am really a writer, or am I? People have liked my stuff in both forms, written, spoken and sung. Who likes my stuff? Ordinary people, and that means most people. Non Irish as well as real Irish. Not all, yes, but you can’t please everyone.

Donning your various hats as academic, entrepreneur, writer and ordinary human being, what do you say, would people like it?   How can they if they never see it or hear it?

What I would really like is for you to publish my work under your Ardua imprint and for it to be a world wide best seller. Is that too much to ask?

I have over 1500 pieces on my blog tichennis.com largely unknown, unhonoured and unsung. 267 followers but Beyonce, whoever she is, probably has 2 million.

I have quite a lot to say, once I get going you can’t stop me. Especially after you read this latest book of mine.

I have corrected the 2 tiny mistakes on pages 12 and 16 but not sent the revised PDF’s to the printer yet. It will cost me 250 euros to get 100 copies printed, to sell at 5.99 each, you do the math.

The CD I am charging 10 euros a copy for, all these things cost considerably less each according to how many copies you get made or printed.

I am really a writer, I said that before, I made the CD for fun. Writing is fun to me as well. Anyway I like all those songs I sang on the CD, recorded here by me at home and professionally mastered.

Are artists all rotten businessmen? I have 2 potential outlets for my stuff, a second hand book and record and cd shop here in Arklow and also Bridge Street Books in Wicklow town, where my first book, Pub Talk, was launched, in your presence.

I may have a launch for this new book Arklow Voice in the library here in Arklow and would most likely be able to get an interview on East Coast Radio with Declan Meehan, as I did in 2014 to do with Pub Talk, my first book, edited by you.

I have a few irons in the fire but the fire is not lit yet. I can’t tell you everything in one (shortish) letter. We were in touch by text message today. Back and forth. Anyway, what do you think?   Some artist said to me artists in Ireland sell only to other artists, is it that bad?

I will send you this by email, the real thing by snail mail, await revelation. Let’s not prejudge the issue.

By the way my (our) doctor has ordered 2 copies of Arklow Voice havng been lent proof copy number 3 by my brother. Can the medical profession be wrong? He had some more of my writing before and liked it. Ditto the CD.

Its easy to say you like things when you get them for nothing. This time he’s paying.

To repeat myself, wait for the real thing. Has my stuff any potential in the real world?

A local potter and politician Peir Leonard (see my book) is to bring out some of my poems fired on ceramic wall tiles when she can get around to it, she’s very busy.

I can’t say it all in one letter, if I could what would be the point of us getting in touch in the future?

Expect this letter through your letter box with the book to end books (!) and the CD likewise in a couple of days. Avoid hyperbole in your response, let me down gently, not with a bump.

I am a writer, not an author as some pulp fiction guy once said. McDonalds for the masses, or maybe not. For junk food junkies everywhere. Will the real people please stand up?

Anyway, ready or not here it comes.

The main course is to follow.

Paul, by the way, known to me as Aul, is a literary agent based in Scotland. He tolerates me.

Now I must address an envelope, walk to the post office, post a letter, will this work never cease?

I have not checked over this letter for errors. I am a busy man.

E&OE

All the best,

David (Tich) Ennis

 

 

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Second Attempt

17th June, 2019

John,

I am sending you these recordings in MP3 format because it is easier for me and you if they work on your player which I say it will because the whole two hours or so is on one disc, not two. If it turns out otherwise I will admit defeat and send two cd’s to you in audio format. That will help to fill up your house.

Let me know if I am right or wrong. But don’t rub it in and I won’t either. This keeps the postman busy. Drones are the future. Its almost here. I hear it coming. Traffic jams in the sky. Noise pollution. Earplugs will sell out.   Anyway, I won’t keep you away from your cd player. Two hours or just a minute or so and all will be known.

I am bringing out a book or booklet or magazine with the title Arklow Voice for the sum of €4.50, almost ready to hit the high street. I’ll run up the flag and see if anyone salutes. Or notices.

48 pages plus colour cover, saddle stitched to use a technical term, in other words stapled through the spine. 48 is the maximum number of pages allowable in that form, I had other things I could have put in but that can wait for another day if that day ever comes.

Anyway, that’s that for the moment,

Best wishes,

David

Tich Ennis

17th June, 2019

 

 

Peir Leonard Interview

Tich: You were elected to Wicklow county council on Monday. Did you expect to get elected?

Peir: No. (Laughs).

T: Expect nothing and you won’t be disappointed. I thought you said you know a lot of people?

P: I do.

T: That doesn’t mean anything.

P: It means nothing.

T: I know Pat Hoey and I voted for him and he didn’t get elected. I asked him does he know many dead people, he said all the people in the cemetery! I said to his father, I see your son is standing for election, he said is he mad? I said everyone is mad, some are madder than others.

Politics has been described as showbusiness for ugly people.

P: (Laughs, said something I didn’t catch).

T: Where were you brought up?

P: In Arklow. Abbeyville.

T: Did you ever live in England?

P: No, never.

T: Some man who heard you on the radio said you sounded English. Do you take that as an insult?

P: Not at all. I’ve got a lot of relatives who live over in England.

T: I met a cousin of yours, Margo. The one who’s married to a blind guy. She said she was voting for you.

P: Very good.

T: I think I got some people to vote for you.

P: I should hope so.

T: So you’ll have to do me favours.

P and T: (Laughter).

T: Have you got any brown envelopes?

P: I’ll have to stockpile them.

T: There’s a thing called clientelism which I read about in Irish politics. If people are entitled to something they should go to where you get it and not ask a local politician to do it for them.

P: Absolutely.

T: If you are due the old age pension you will get it. If you are due planning permission you will get it.

P: Absolutely. There’s processes. That’s why people vote for parties, they think that’s what it is, doing them favours.

T: A few elections ago some guy said to me he was voting for independents. I said would you like a government made up completely of independents? He thought for a minute and said no.

P: No.

T: I thought they’d all be disagreeing with each other. You’re in a party of one, I don’t suppose you’re going to resign from yourself.

P: What I’m going to do is be the bridge of communication.

T: Brendan Behan said the first item on the agenda of any new political party is the split.

P: (Laughs).

T: Can I go all schmaltzy? How many children have you?

P: Three.

T: What age range?

P: I’ve one 21 and she’s in art college.

T: What’s the youngest one?

P: Eight.

T: A woman in England called Shirley Conran wrote a book, I forget what she called it, about having it all, making it as an entrepreneur and having a family.

P: Alright.

T: Is that what you’re going to try to do?

P: No. My kids have been great. I’ve been going to schools and got to know all the parents for years.

T: Do teachers say what they really think on report cards or do they go in for plamas?

P: No.

T: Your child has great potential but he hasn’t realised any of it. (Laughs).

P: (Laughs).

T: What can I say? You’re the great white hope.

P: I’m getting that feeling off everybody.

T: Lets be specific. How many times does Wicklow county council meet?

P: Once a month I think, I’m not sure. I’ve no information at all.

T: You’re a county councillor and you don’t know. (Laughs).

P: There’s been no information given out.

T: Do you know what you’re very like?

P: What?

T: Socrates, who was regarded as the wisest man in the world. On his deathbed his last words were all I know is I know nothing. (Laughs).

P: (Laughs).

T: I looked up on the internet the duties and so on of a county councillor but I’ve forgotten what they are. (Laughs).

Are you going to make a maiden speech?

P: A maiden speech?

T: Are you a maiden? (Laughs).

P: No.

T: Why not? (Laughs). Anyway, a man said to me if Ireland discovered oil it would ruin us. He didn’t say why but I know why. It would all go to politicians and state employees and glossy buildings for themselves.

P: Yes.

T: Do you agree with that man?

P: Yes. Everything is always based on profit.

T: Yet another man I know said we don’t need to change the electoral system, we need to change the electorate.

P: Yes.

T: So how come they voted for you? Are you a pig in a poke? (Laughs). I asked you that in one of my messages, how can you be one of us and yet not one of us at the same time?

P: I’ll stay true to myself. I’m not a career politician.

T: If you’re not in it for the money what are you in it for?

P: For hope.

T: A friend of mine said, a good few years ago now, about politicians, they’re all rich when they retire.

P: They’re rich in what way?

T: Money.

P: There are other currencies than money. I’d rather be rich in my heart.

T: I mean Haughey got an island out of it. Why weren’t the criminal assets bureau called in? Can you explain that?

P: (Laughs).

T: Unexplained wealth.

P: (Laughs). I’ve no interest in money. That’s why I’ll be ok.

T: I would like to have some money. You mean you can’t be bribed?

P: Enough is plenty. I could have chosen paths in life where I would have been very comfortable.

T: Hardly any politician ever goes to jail, why is that?

P: I know. I’ll try and find out.

T: In some countries in the world, I won’t mention which, it is illegal to criticise the government.

P: Really?

T: Yes. Here you can criticise the government but it doesn’t make any difference.

P: (Laughs).

T: That’s called freedom. (Both laugh). I could sing you a song but I won’t. Freedom’s just another word for nothing left to lose.

P: Yeah.

T: Freedom don’t cost nothing but its free. Pardon my grammar, someone else wrote it. (Both laugh).

T: That’s Kris Kristofferson, his songs are great.

P: Yes, absolutely.

T: From the coalmines in Kentucky to somewhere else. I was reciting a song to someone sometime, I said you know this song, she said she didn’t. I said you must know it and I was saying something, something, something when I didn’t know the words. She said I like the something, something, something bit. (Both laugh).

Oh yes, listen, what do you understand by the word populism? Is that giving people what they want, not what they need?

P: I don’t know, I’ll have to look that up.

T: I’m not sure, but they hate foreigners for one thing.

P: Its just a trendy word.

T: Ah no, it means something. Do you know what people want? I’m going to tell you what they want. It’s in a song. Everything you want, everything you like its illegal, its immoral or it makes you fat. (Both laugh). Its an old song.

P: I think people aren’t against immigrants and people like that,

they’re against change to their culture and values.

T: I’ll quote two sayings to you. A famous monk of an abbey in Ireland, on his deathbed said to the other monks, above all, resist change.

P: Yes.

T: I’ve something else to say.   Have you any loose change, I’m talking about change here.   Some Indian guru said the only constant is change.

P: Yes.

T: And yet another thing, but I said this. Change can be for the worse.

P: Oh yes.

T: I mean you could get Donald Trump. (Laughing).

P: I know.

T: You haven’t asked me this but I’ll tell you anyway. If the world was to be made in the image of America or China I would choose America as the lesser of two evils.

P: Yes.

T: Will you write to the American embassy on my behalf and tell them that. (Both laugh). You could be president someday.

P: I know.

T: My sister said she doesn’t want to run for president, you know the way they tear each other apart. (Laughs).

P: I could be president of Arklow.

T: Someone asked me what does a president do anyway. I said he shakes hands with people coming in from other countries. He said sure anyone could do that. (Both laugh).

P: Absolutely.

T: Could you do that? Listen, as a politician don’t you have to kiss babies and tell people they’re lovely and all that?

P: I’m good at that. (Both laugh).

T: My sister goes all goo goo over babies but I don’t.

P: Ah, you’re a man. (They laugh).

T: We were staying at some guy’s house and he likes true crime dramas, they were true, you know, and my brother said they’re very violent. He said they’re for men. (They laugh). Women can be violent.

P: Oh they can.

T: Are you that type?

P: No.

T: What are you like when you’re angry?

P: I’m very easy going. I hate bullies.

T: Can calm, considered words win an argument?

P: Absolutely.

T: My older brother, who is now dead, but I didn’t kill him. There is such a thing as fratricide, I sometimes feel like committing it. (Both laugh). Anyway, he never raised his voice in his whole life, but I do.

P: Yeah.

T: He said when somebody is arguing with you and shouting at you, lower your voice, speak to them very quietly and they go away.   (Both laugh).

One of my nephews said when people are disagreeing with him, telling him some other way is right, he just says yes and they go away. (They laugh).

Oh yes, a very left wing politician in DunLaoghaire said he’s not a politician, he’s an activist. That’s because politician has become a dirty word.

P: Yes.

T: You are entering a cesspool when you enter politics. Its your job to clean out the sewer, and that river while you’re at it. My brother calls it the River Sewage, I call it the Sewage Canal.

P: They intend to build concrete on either side to make it more like a sewer.

T: Somebody who talked sense said if there are bends in a river they should be there because they take more water. If you straighten out a river there’s more water in it and it floods.

P: Yes.

T: I have other things to say to you. Small shopkeepers and other shopkeepers complain about the rates. What is the rates money going on? You find that out. Get them not to waste it.

P: Absolutely.

T: You could reduce the rates if you stopped wasting money, I don’t know what they’re wasting money on.

P: We need to find common ground and be a loud voice.

T: Money does not solve every problem.

P: No, it doesn’t.

T: Listen to me, some guy from a very poor African country that won a lot of medals in the Olympics said having very good sporting facilities does not make you win the Olympics.

P: Absolutely.

T: People succeed against the odds. People like Ronny Delaney and Katy Taylor, they didn’t have great facilities.

P: No, and they won. Yeah.

T: Do you know what a politician would love? To build a stadium and have his name on it.

P: I know, yeah.

T: The Bertie bowl.

P: It’s a people thing, it’s the human thing that makes success.

T: Are you a human politician?

P: Yes.

T: I didn’t know there were any. Listen to me, a friend of mine, I said something about politicians, something derogatory, he said politics is a noble profession. Well, it should be.

P: Yeah.

T: Can you restore the human race’s faith in politics and politicians?

P: I’m hoping so.

T: Listen to me, I write poetry and do you know what, my sister in law, who is not Irish, but that doesn’t mean she’s no good.

P: (Laughs).

T: She said she doesn’t read poetry because she doesn’t understand it.

P: Yeah.

T: And I think people who write what’s called poetry nowadays don’t understand it themselves. (Laughs). People are right not to understand it, its rubbish. Some comedian said about poets, why don’t they come straight out and say it? (Both laugh).

Some poems which people treat with great respect, but I don’t, people have about a hundred interpretations of them. But if its clear and simple everybody understands it. That’s the way poetry should be.

P: Yes. Absolutely.

T: I don’t want to go on too much about poetry, but Patrick Kavanagh was a pretty good poet in Ireland. He wrote Raglan Road, which is a great song sung by Luke Kelly. I don’t know who wrote the music, did he write the music, I don’t know. But anyway, the teaching profession or the educational system say they’re not going to teach Patrick Kavanagh anymore, because he’s not fashionable. Since when has fashion had anything to do with anything that matters? Do you know what I mean?

P: Yes, yeah.

T: Alright, I won’t sing the national anthem, I won’t stand up. When I was young they used to play the national anthem at the end of a cinema show, and everyone would try to get out before it. (Laughs).

Cheerio then.

Tich Ennis

1st June, 2019

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Committee

I want to assemble a group of chucklebutts and stumblebums to make Arklow great again.

Some of them know more than me, although that seems impossible, and aren’t even men.

One, a boy of fourteen if he’s a day does not love school but has things to say.

His father seems alright, not uptight, dislikes his son truanting from school, he is ok anyway.

One or two women would be alright, we could talk all night.

When will we get things right?

Uptight and outa sight.

Will saner heads prevail?

Have they seen the inside of a jail?

We cannot fail.

Ask one who knows how to grow a rose.

Scent comes and goes.

It stays on your clothes.

Value your nose.

Do I invalidate myself by being funny?

One thing’s for sure, I’m not in it for the money.

If I was, I amn’t making any.

Have you got a penny?

Tich Ennis

30th May, 2019

My Fellow Citizens

My Fellow Citizens

(To Sylvester Bourke, Pat Hoey, Pier Leonard and Chantel Kangowa, my preferred candidates in Arklow local elections. As of now. Please circulate widely.)

         I fully intend to vote for one or more of you in the forthcoming election or elections. Why? I’m giving you the benefit of the doubt. Whose doubt? Mine. You have yet to prove yourselves in this great façade we call life, or something like that.

As far as I know, but who am I to say, you are reasonable facsimiles of human beings. Robots can be very realistic and getting more so all the time. Once I vote for you, if I vote for you, that’s it. I’ve burned my boats. I’m stuck with you until the next election, if you get elected.

Speaking as a semi-lunatic, driven mad or half mad by circumstances beyond my control, but that’s life, isn’t it, yes, as I said before, I strongly intend to vote, if I get around to it, which I expect I will. But don’t count on my vote, let the counting officer do that.

My point is I will have to put up with you for 4 years if you get elected but you will ignore me completely. That may be mutual. I have better things to be doing than thinking about politics all the time.

People like me are the electorate, for better or worse, and require representation. How can you be one of us and not one of us at the same time? Can you square that circle?

This may be a joke but someone said all politicians should be taken out periodically and shot. That’s fairly funny if you’re not a politician. There is still hope. You may not be elected.

To quote Samuel Beckett, everything is futile, it would be better never to have been born. He also said try again, fail again, try again, fail better.

He was more or less a comedian, not to be taken too seriously.

I too am Irish. So what? If I was born somewhere else I would be something else. And equally ashamed or proud, or probably both at once.

All good things come to an end, including life itself, good or otherwise. So you are going to make my life better. Says who? I didn’t make much of a job of it myself. I can’t really blame you. Not yet, anyway.

The torch was passed to another generation and they lit a marijuana cigarette with it. Fine words butter no parsnips. But they’re better than nothing.

To quote Dean Swift, and why not, in his self-written obituary:

He left the little wealth he had

to build a house for fools and mad,

and showed by this satiric touch,

no nation needed it so much.

 

End of quote.

What is your price? Will you fulfil my requirements? Do you endeavour to give satisfaction? Or do you just want to get elected?

I will sign my vote in blood. That sounds good, doesn’t it? Not mine, I hope.

A cynic is a person who knows the price of everything and the value of nothing – Oscar Wilde.

I know the price of a pint of Guinness, four sixty in my favourite hostelry, less in some places, more in others.

Have you read Less is More? Or Small is Beautiful? Neither have I. I recommend them to other people. Not written by Irish people, but we can’t all be Irish.

What’s wrong with Ireland that you want to make it better? A patriot is a person who says a country is the best in the world because he was born in it – G. B. Shaw (also Irish).

Karl Marx said something else but he wasn’t Irish. He once said smokers of the world unite, you have nothing to lose but your chain smoking. Or something very like it.

So, okay, if you get elected we won’t have to put up with each other for four years. I look forward to that. An amicable divorce. We all make mistakes.

Any of you could turn out to be another Hitler, Pol Pot or Shane Ross. God help us all. At least you’re not Nigel Farrage, not so far, anyway.

Are you good at soundbites? Do you tweet often? What have you learned from Donald Trump?

Okay, that’s it, fateful Friday approaches, the day of reckoning, when the sheep are sorted from the goats, the men from the boys, the girls from the women, the good things from the bad things. I’ll see you in Heaven, Hell, Purgatory or Nirvana, whatever you’re having yourself. Destiny awaits. Many stirring words have been spoken, I am stir crazy hearing them.

Ok, I’ll vote for you, something is better than nothing. Or so they say. That’s for me to know and you to find out. Take it on the chin. Roll with the punches. Let Katy Taylor be your role model.

Arklow forever! Or the time being, anyway. Sorry for taking up so much of your time and mine.

Still, you could be in jail. Cheer up!

P.S.

I asked a woman was she a politician, she said she hasn’t sold her soul. A man I repeated that to said politicians have no soul. He used the eff word.

Anglo Saxon is a gift bestowed on us by the English on their departure. We are fluent speakers.

d

Tich Ennis

22nd May, 2019

 

Ideal Public Representative

(To all candidates for election to Wicklow County Council, Arklow area)

Ideal Public Representative

The ideal person is perfect, but does not say so.

Similarly but differently the ideal public representative is fair minded, honest, truthful, unbiased, articulate, slow to anger, quick to forgive, bears no grudges, etc., etc., you fill in the rest.

You know yourself.

This is why I am not in politics. For some or all of the above reasons, sins of omission and sins of commission or whatever.

So okay, superman or superwoman, genius and saint that you are, save us from ourselves.

Can you laugh at yourself?

I could provide you with a checklist for you to fill out. Give reasons for your answers.

If you take yourself seriously I’m not voting for you.

May you join the elect.

If that is your wish.

Signed: David (Tich) Ennis, unknown poet, playwrite, singer and sometime spoiled voter.

The trouble I went to to look up all your bloody (oops) email addresses.

The trouble I go to to put the world to rights.

Nobody knows the troubles I’ve seen.

If you had an air to that you could sing it.

Tich Ennis

17th May, 2019

 

 

Door Of Heaven

The door of Heaven is not locked, the handle is broken.

Does everything work in Hoboken?

Knock and they will let you in if they see you, or go in the back door.

Do you need to know more?

Is it really Heaven I’m talking about or Eddie Rocket’s in Arklow?

Its stopped raining, sooner or later I’ll have to go.

When can we have Heaven here below?

Let me know.

10th November, 2018