Play. Scene: Old folks’ home. Two people, seated.
Man: I can’t find my spectacles.
Woman: They’re on your nose.
Man: Bless my soul! So they are.
Woman: What’s the headline in the English paper?
Man: Earthquake in Peru. No English killed.
Woman: What’s the headline in the Irish one?
Man: Irish girl killed by English train.
Woman: A train crash? Were there many casualties?
Man: Lots. Some might have been Catholics.
Woman: They will go straight to Heaven. Why do you buy an English and an Irish paper?
Man: To see both sides of the question.
Woman: People our age sometimes meet in old folks homes and fall in love and get married.
Man: Will you marry me?
Woman: Have you any experience?
Man: I’ve been married five times.
Woman: That’s good enough for me. I like a man who knows what he’s doing.
Man: Is that a yes or a no?
Woman: It’s a yes. Where will we spend our honeymoon?
Man: The Ritz Hotel.
Woman: That’s spending. I’m marrying you for your money.
Man: The deal is off. I love my money. I’m keeping it. You can’t have it.
Woman: I’ll try someone else. Anything else in the paper?
Man: Politics, war, famine, rape. The usual. And the Chelsea flower show.
Woman: I like flowers. Not the other things.
Man: Life goes on. But not forever. I could have died in the war.
Woman: If you’re lucky you die of old age.
Man: That’s luck. In the end its all the same.
Woman: Its not the end yet.
Man: I changed my mind. I will marry you.
Man: You’re cheerful. You like flowers. You can have my money.
Woman: I’ll buy flowers. A happy ending.
Man: It good to be philosophical.
Woman: This is a fantasy.
Man: Love is better than nothing.
Woman: How true.
18th April, 2016