Old Folks

Play.  Scene:  Old folks’ home.  Two people, seated.

Man:  I can’t find my spectacles.

Woman:  They’re on your nose.

Man:  Bless my soul!  So they are.

Woman:  What’s the headline in the English paper?

Man:  Earthquake in Peru.  No English killed.

Woman:  What’s the headline in the Irish one?

Man:  Irish girl killed by English train.

Woman:  A train crash?  Were there many casualties?

Man:  Lots.  Some might have been Catholics.

Woman:  They will go straight to Heaven.  Why do you buy an English and an Irish paper?

Man:  To see both sides of the question.

Woman:  People our age sometimes meet in old folks homes and fall in love and get married.

Man:  Will you marry me?

Woman:  Have you any experience?

Man:  I’ve been married five times.

Woman:  That’s good enough for me.  I like a man who knows what he’s doing.

Man:  Is that a yes or a no?

Woman:  It’s a yes.  Where will we spend our honeymoon?

Man:  The Ritz Hotel.

Woman:  That’s spending.  I’m marrying you for your money.

Man:  The deal is off.  I love my money.  I’m keeping it.  You can’t have it.

Woman:  I’ll try someone else.  Anything else in the paper?

Man:  Politics, war, famine, rape.  The usual.  And the Chelsea flower show.

Woman:  I like flowers.  Not the other things.

Man:  Life goes on.  But not forever.  I could have died in the war.

Woman:  If you’re lucky you die of old age.

Man:  That’s luck.  In the end its all the same.

Woman:  Its not the end yet.

Man:  I changed my mind.  I will marry you.

Woman:  Why?

Man:  You’re cheerful.  You like flowers.  You can have my money.

Woman:  I’ll buy flowers.  A happy ending.

Man:  It good to be philosophical.

Woman:  This is a fantasy.

Man: Love is better than nothing.

Woman:  How true.

Tich Ennis

18th April, 2016