I Don’t Know

Play:  Scene: Anywhere.  Present:  Muse and others

Me:  Lawyers charge for their opinion.  Other people give you theirs for nothing.

He:  That’s all its worth.

Muse:  I refuse to impose meaning.  Figure it out.

Artist:  When you make a one off you have to learn how to do a whole lot of new things and you never have to do them again.

Builder:  (Groaning)  Oh, yes.

Young Man:  Children go through the gamut of emotions in a day.

Mother:  In an hour.

Teenager:  Will you look at the hour and not a child in the house washed.

Me:  Where did you hear that?

Teenager:  I heard someone say it.

Mother:  Where did you go?

Teenager:  Out.

Mother:  What did you do?

Teenager:  Nothing.

Muse:  I wandered lonely as a cloud.

Poet:  It’s been said.

Patient:  The profession with the highest number of suicides is the psychiatric profession.

Shakespeare:  Physician, heal thyself.

Gus:  I’d rather have a bottle in front of me than a frontal lobotomy.

Sam Goldwyn:  Anyone nutty enough to see a psychoanalyst needs their head examined.

R. D. Laing:  Madness is the only sane response to living in an insane world.

Me:  I disagree.

R. D.  Laing:  With what part of my statement do you disagree?

Me:  I agree the world is insane.  I do not agree insanity is a sane response.

R. D. Laing:  With what other statement do you disagree?

Me:  If you can’t beat them join them.

R. D. Laing:  Have you a problem?

Me:  I think I’m a dog.

R. D. Laing:  Lie down on the couch.

Me:  I’m not allowed up on the couch.

R. D. Laing:  Have you any other problem?

Me:  I think I’m a spoon.

R. D. Laing:  Sit down there and don’t stir.

Freud:  Jokes fulfil a valuable function.  I faked my results. Psychoanalysis never cured anyone.

Teenager:  What’s a psychiatrist?

Me:  They’re people who want you to talk about your past to tell you what’s wrong with you when there’s nothing wrong with you at all.

Teenager:  We had people like that in our school.  I told them to eff off.

Physicist:  You were right.

(Author’s note:  true).

Eugene O’Neill:  Drink is a good man’s failing.

Viking:  Eat drink and be merry for tomorrow we die.

He:  You’re full of smartass one liners.

Me:  I quote extensively.  Sometimes incorrectly.  Don’t shoot me, I’m only the messenger.

He:  You have a varied repertoire.

Me:  Variety is the spice of life.

He:  There you go again.  You’re like a motto calendar.

Me:  You can find good stuff there.  You can find good stuff anywhere.

He:  Quote one.

Me:  I believe what you do, not what you say.

He:  Is that an exact quotation?

Me:  No.  It’s the meaning that counts, not the exact words.

He:  Pedants would disagree.

Me:  Who likes a pedant?  Pedants are like bureaucrats.   Bureaucrats are people who think rules are more important than people.

He:  Is that a quotation?

Me:  Yes.  And no less true for that.

Shakespeare:  Man dressed in a little brief authority performs such stunts as make the angels weep.

He:  Is that a quotation?

Me:  Yes, but probably not a hundred per cent accurate in words, only in meaning.

He:  You’re a big man for meaning.

Me:  Its what its all about.  People mean something, words mean something. Believing otherwise results in war and chaos.

He:  What is belief?

Me:  Belief is proved by action.  I believe what you do, not what you say.

He:  Are there any exceptions?

Me:  A true person.  Their words and deeds harmonise, as in a song.  They mean the same thing.

He:  You are poetic.

Me:  Some things are best said in a poem.  But not always.

He:  Can I go now?

Me:  Yes.

Tich Ennis

30th April, 2016