Category Archives: Sayings

Banjaxed Anthem

Banjaxed is Irish slang, meaning broken or not working. Everything in Ireland is banjaxed, probably including me.

See our history.

The Irish national anthem, not this one, was written in English first.

Which version is worst?

Nationalism mean killing people as far as I can see.

That’s what it means to me.

De Valera, our leader, sent condolences to the German embassy when Hitler died.

Jews cried.

De Valera was half Irish, his first name wasn’t Paddy.

Not as Irish as my daddy.

Patrick Pearse was half English and probably by a full blooded Englishman was shot.

Patrick Pearse, that’s your lot.

The county boundaries in Ireland to which people are loyal were laid down by the English in times past.

Unknown to some, the truth at last.

During the famine Irish people exported food, strange to say.

They looked the other way.

In North Korea now people die with green stains around their mouth from eating grass.

As happened in Ireland, alas.

The Irish are generous to others in times of woe.

They contribute generously, I should know.

We certainly know how to criticise each other, we do it all the time.

As me, in rhyme.

Maybe you think its different where you are.

Where do you live, a distant star?

We have murderers in our parliament, known as the Dail.

That’s not all.

They lie, they know they lie, they know you know too.

What’s a guy to do?

Can a reformed serial killer or paedophile bring about justice and peace?

Yes, if they have reformed, not if they lie, give my heart ease.

If I was born somewhere else what would I think of Ireland?

Great to visit, a great little land.

Great talk, music, horses and for passing time of day.

But would you stay?

Why do I, why don’t I go away?

Laziness has something to do with it and lack of ambition.

Gone fishin’.

Other places may be too busy for my taste.

Ireland is as good as any place your life to waste.

The same only different as we like to say.

If you expect logic look the other way.

The sins and crimes of others we love to talk about.

My point is the human race is all the same, the truth will find you out.

Wherever you are, that’s your home. There are a lot of knowalls in Ireland, that’s true.

They say they know what’s best for you.

Empty vessels make a lot of noise.

Posh boys.

We have ourselves to blame for how we are.

Gaze at a star.

If I was born somewhere else would I criticise them you bet your life.

Cancer requires a surgeon’s knife.

Good enough to be going on with is not good enough.

That’s the message of my stuff.

I’m Irish, tough.

I lament the human condition what can I do?

I write to you.

Hell is other people Sartre said. He’s dead.

Maybe Hell is you?

Me too.

Must I say it over and over again?

Heaven is here now and then.

A glimpse, reflection, hint, a child’s smile.

Walk an Irish mile.

So at last I end my banjaxed anthem, Irish song.

I may be criticised, what is wrong?

Maybe someday I’ll get around to doing more, maybe you too.

In the meantime enjoy the view.

Tich Ennis

14th October, 2017

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Contribution

If nearly everything is rubbish should I contribute?

If I say something you don’t like do you say shoot?

If you wish to shoot your mouth off does someone say shut up?

You must be a looney, you must be a nut.

If you have a screw loose what I say may be no use.

Ask yourself the same, two can play this game.

Who gives you or me the right to choose?

Don’t step on my blue suede shoes.

Tich Ennis

4th October, 2017

Error

I make a mistake now and then, its human to err.

My sister spotted one, I said that to her.

Did you think I was perfect says I to a friend?

No I did not says he, bringing that topic to an end.

The man who never made a mistake never made anything said a man.

He made them big time, I am not a fan.

Accidentally on purpose is not a mistake.

Have you bought an antique fake?

I prove I am human which does not require much proof.

My house has not got a leaky roof.

There’s many a true word spoken in jest.

Its over, do I pass the test?

Tich Ennis

21st September, 2017

Right and Wrong

People can be right about one thing and wrong about others.

This applies to sisters and brothers.

And fathers and mothers.

In other words everyone, lets not be extreme.

You know what I mean.

No one is all right or all wrong, are you?

Me neither, me too.

You’re right but you’re wrong a man from West Cork said.

Partly right and partly wrong he meant, did you scratch your head?

Tich Ennis

20th September, 2017

Stupidity

Me: In the seventeen hundreds someone wrote a book which is still in print with the title Great Popular Delusions and the Madness of Crowds.

He: Brilliant.

Me: If he was alive today he could update it. It was about the South Sea Bubble and people paying ten thousand pounds for a tulip bulb. I can sell you a tulip bulb for only five thousand, do you want it?

He: No.

Me: Do you ever say to yourself how can people be so stupid?

He: I’ve given up asking that.

Me: In Cork there was a thing called Empowering Women. A man in England was said to have his tongue so firmly in his cheek no one knew it was there. I sometimes feel like laughing but don’t. What about men? Isn’t that sexist? It was a scam, a pyramid scheme. People who were taken in were interviewed, none of them said they were to blame.

He: They never do.

Me: One woman said she knew it was a racket but if she got in and out quick at an early stage she would make money, so she did. That’s like saying I don’t believe in prostitution but I have a brothel and it makes money, so that’s alright.

I said to a lawyer there’s a saying I can’t remember, when something seems too good to be true it usually is, sometimes is or always is. He said, usually.

When people are taken in by a confidence trick its because of gullibility, naivety, stupidity and greed. Stupidity can be defined as not thinking. Do they never read anything?

He: No.

Me: I remember saying years ago that my mother could spot a con man at twenty paces. Honest people can. They try to ingratiate themself with you, like Gay Byrne. That might be unfair.

He: To the conman.

Me: I said to an English couple, who didn’t talk at all, that Tony Blair was like a TV personality. Gordon Brown trained himself to smile.   You could see him doing it, it didn’t work. He should not become a comedian, maybe an undertaker. Television is a supeficial medium, its concerned with appearance, not reality.

Alec Douglas Home said there should not be television debates at elections. The best actor with the best script would win. Tony Blair.

         In the eighteen fifties in America there were snake oil salesmen, real snake oil salesmen. Methaphors come from something literal. When someone bought some as a cure all they would be followed onto the train and cheated out of their house. If they fall for snake oil they will fall for anything.

When Billy Graham was in London there were people going around local houses saying they were from the Billy Graham organisation and if you paid twenty pounds you would get into Heaven. Some people paid.  I read that out to my mother and said how can people be so stupid?

She said I’ll pay when I get there.

Tich Ennis

15th September, 2017

All Roads

All roads lead everywhere unless it’s a cul-de-sac.

If it’s a cul-de-sac turn back.

On a straight road you can’t go round the bend.

A long road seems to have no end.

May the road rise up to meet you and the wind be at your back.

A long straight road is called a tramp’s heartbreak, that’s a fact.

Boreen means small road, or maybe a lane.

Here I mean, not in Spain.

Dark alleys have a bad reputation.

In more or less every nation.

Don’t believe you can’t get there from here.

At the end of the road enjoy a beer.

Tich Ennis

9th September, 2017

Nothing

I have nothing to say today, but I’ll say it anyway.

Nihilism, the belief that nothing is worth anything, of thee I sing.

You are king.

Alright, I don’t really believe that, I own neither a dog nor cat.

Much less a pet rat.

So there you have it, nothing for what its worth.

What on Earth?

Something or other about a non-dog and cat. Or rat.

Nature abhors a vacuum they say.

So I fill it up today.

I have not gone away.

I’m here to stay.

If nothingness is what you want I return to your old haunt.

The ghost with the most.

Who burned the toast?

Nothing is better than that.

It will not make you fat.

That’s that.

Something for nothing is a lot.

Its what you got.

Tich Ennis

7th September, 2017