Category Archives: Mother Ireland

The Royal Family

The royal family are wonderful people, I demur.

They have their saving graces, I concur.

If the royal princes weren’t born where they are would they be on the dole?

Could an ignoramus play their role?

The queen has crown jewels, the Irish had until 1910.

Someone stole them then.

I was not around, don’t blame me.

Someone else dunnit, you see.

What price pageantry?

Tich Ennis

11th November, 2018

Abortion Test

19th May, 2018

Michael,

         Vote Yes in the abortion referendum if you plan to open an abortion clinic.   I once rang someone and asked did he wish he had been aborted? He asked did I ring him to ask him that. So he did not answer. He was not a politician, but might have been. I wanted to know where he stood.

         A man asks why do you always answer a question with another one? Answer: Do I?

         I told that to someone and he said he was a Kerryman.

         My brother and I plan on voting in opposite directions in the referendum, so our votes will cancel each other out. Our casting of votes will be abortive. I say I think the people will vote yes, we should have abortion here, not yes we should not. Unless people get mixed up.   You say you can’t be sure. You can be wise after the event.

         I have an ulterior motive in writing to you. I am writing in Word with the intention of copying and pasting into gmail because when I do it the other way around it comes out mixed up. Maybe it will work, maybe it wont.   I want to preserve my words for posteriority. Oops, posterity. I am running a few tests. This is not the real thing.

         Syllogism. Pedantry. Polemic. Onomatopeia. Homonym. Just a few words to cheer you up.

         So I have a hidden agenda after all.

         The operation was a success but the patient died. Maybe yes, maybe no. It’s a woman’s privilege to change her mind.   It seemed like a good idea at the time.

         Here goes nothing,

David

P.S.  It worked!

Tich Ennis

19th May, 2018

 

For The Record

 

 

 

 

For The Record

(Copy of email sent today 18th May, 2018)

Tich Ennis 
to jive

To:  The Secret Bookshop, Wicklow street, Dublin

tel 01 7079955

 

Hi Sean,

This is for the record and to introduce myself to you.  I am David (Tich) Ennis, singer and writer.  Thanks for saying you will stock and I hope sell my cd Great Irish Songs which my brother George gave you 5 copies of today.

People from the age of 92 to 20 and all ages in between have said they love it.  I hope you will play it so you can recommend it to people from having heard it.  It is good value at ten euros because it is a full cd of almost exactly 80 minutes with all great ballads and other types of song on board.  A friend of mine who lived in America said Irish Americans would love it.

A couple of questions:

Do you have a website?

Do you also sell by mail order?

My phone number is 087 xxx xx xx and I live in Reality, Seaview avenue, Arklow, Co. Wicklow, a bungalow named by me when my brother and myself moved in about three years ago.  I am originally from Dublin, but that was a long time ago.

The songs on my cd are all out of copyright as far as I can (painstakingly) establish.  Every kind of song there, fun, dancing, drinking, fighting, the whole shebang.  All songs I like, and so do many others.  And a few love songs.  (e.g., I Met Her in the Garden where the Praties Grow).

Joke:  I have a round black thing with a hole in it.   Is this a record?

Blame a disk jockey.

When I am in Dublin, which is infrequently, I will call on you.  My cd is for sale in very few outlets, only yours a cd shop.  A hotel, a computer shop, maybe a book shop in Wicklow town.   Also a second hand book and record shop here in Arklow.

I may appear on East Coast Radio, the Declan Meehan Morning Show, which I did before, when  I self published a book, Pub Talk, in 2014.   That station is heard in Dublin.  If that happens I will give your shop a mention, and let you know.

Okay and thanks again.  The cd is as stated, the songs are all great.  As written on the cover, someone said ‘I could listen to this all day’.

I will plug away at the publicity end.

Keep selling!

David (Tich) Ennis

 

 

 

Beautiful Bird

I saw a beautiful bird today, the most beautiful in our land.

In our garden, he was grand.

Made by God’s hand

Tich Ennis

28th April, 2018

Mass

Years ago Irish people weren’t allowed go to Mass.

Now they would consider it cruel if they were made go, I’ll let that pass.

Does science prove there is no God, I’m asking you?

You believe what suits you, that’s true.

I do.

Tich Ennis

13th March, 2018

Examination

To examine one’s own life and the life all about.

To find them wanting, how do I fit in, how do I get out?

To understand everything and find the cure.

How to do it I’m not sure.

The road to perdition is a war of attrition.

People fall like flies, a part of me dies.

The world belongs to the wise.

Must I wear disguise?

Do I pass with honours my exam or just say damn?

Having examined through a microscope I believe in hope.

Yours faithfully, a dope.

Tich Ennis

24th February, 2018

Cruel God

Is God vengeful, vindictive, a sore loser? Getting his own back on us?   What did we do wrong?   What did I do wrong?   Is being born a mortal sin?   Our mortality rate is very high, a hundred per cent. We’re here for a good time, not a long time said a man in a pub.   And I quote.

Edna O’Brien, who is a good Irish writer, not of Mills and Boon type though we have some of those, said her mother said we are not meant to be happy. Another man in a pub said there’s no such thing as happiness. He said his wife went off with a million pounds. I recommended my sister marry him, she said she doesn’t want to marry a man who drinks whisky at ten in the morning.   He has a nice house but my sister has one already.

Why marry? Find a woman you don’t like and give her your house. I’m full of quotations, some Irish comedian said that first. Another man said he tried being a comedian but no one laughed.   That’s a joke for a start.

Now where was I, God. Don’t get me started. I asked my nephew, who does not believe in God, if there is a God could he have made people with a burning desire to be an artist, with the soul of an artist but not the talent?   Yes, my nephew replied. He is an artist, my nephew, not God. Ok maybe God is an artist. A piss artist. Will I go to Hell for saying that? Is God Van Gogh, passionate, I would say so. Is he misguided? Who has he to look up to?

As a young person I had interaction with a paedophile but he didn’t do anything. He said I was too innocent. He did with other boys. Duane Eddy, guitarist, had a piece of music called last moment of innocence, which I didn’t like. I mean the name. I thought it was too close to the bone, being then a teenager, innocence left behind. And lamented.

God, do we have to do it all for you? Do I? Okay, joke. A man asked another why do you always answer a question with another question and the other man said do I?   He was a Kerryman. Has God a dirty mind? What can he have been thinking of when he dreamed up sexual reproduction? Porn movies?

My title here, Cruel God, may be ironic, sardonic, sarcastic, whatever, or just a grab your eyes headline, speaking as a former journalist. Are you buying? A newspaper should make you fall out of your chair in amazement said William Randolph Hearst, newpaper magnate. See tabloids, red tops, comics. Or any other paper, posh or otherwise. We read newpapers which support our prejudices. Judge not lest ye shall be judged.

Is God a psycho? If so, what hope is there for us? Some boys like pulling the wings off flies. Are those boys made in God’s image, as we are told at school we all are? A fight broke out in a jail during anger management class, I think that’s funny but that’s just my sense of humour.   Would psychiatric help help? Help God, I mean. After all, he is a serial killer. He kills us all. Can he reform or be reformed? You have to want to give up your addiction. Are you persuasive?

I’m dying to meet God, so are many others. In fact all, believers and non believers alike.   Does God believe in God? Do you believe in yourself? Do you believe yourself? Can you believe your eyes? Are you hallucinating? Is God a drug addict? Or has he left us to our devices, devilish though they may be?

Imagine for a moment that I am God. What do I say? I’ve done my bit, now its up to you.

Call me mad, call me non-existent, but call me. Wars are waged in my name. Who’s wrong, who’s right? You figure it out. I’ve got better things to do. Sudoku. Karaoke singing. Whatever turns you on.

Life is a joke but you don’t get it.

Sorry God, I’m only joking.

Tich Ennis

8th December, 2018

Poster Boy

Poster designed by me not printed yet.

CD not duplicated yet.

Its coming, like Christmas.

Book ready in small quantities.

We can but try, Tich Ennis, 9th December, 2017

Fake News

Pope to canonise Paisley to make the unionists happy.

Bob Dylan said Abba are sappy.

Jerry Lee Lewis said I’m better than Elvis and I’m not dead.

Donald Trump says that’s not what I said.

Teresa May, the Virgin on the Rocks, says what she really thinks.

Arlene Foster stinks.

Tich Ennis

5th December, 2017