Category Archives: Inexperience

State Of Play

The situation is in a state of flux. Everything always is, said a friend. Metamorphosing he said. I dislike saying what I am going to do because it might not happen. As Spike Milligan said, I have no plan so nothing can go wrong.

Be that as it may Shinobu has said she can lend me 500 euros towards the publication and printing of my proposed book, which exists in the ether of this computer on which I write. Politics has been described as the art of the possible.

I texted my solicitor, Gus Cullen, asking should I buy an ISBN number for it, which is not a legal requirement. Mainly this book will be sold locally, perhaps through one bookshop and two hotels of a friendly nature, but 50 or so individual people have said they will buy. They need no ISBN, those individuals, of course.

ISBN numbers cost 100 euros plus VAT for one or 250 pounds sterling plus VAT for ten. I may self-publish on Amazon, not the book I am proposing getting printed locally, but a variation of it, of a higher page count. As a POD and also digitally, if I get around to it. I like to keep my options open, but not forever.

I would not have to borrow if I was not broke. There is some kind of Arts department of the local county council which apparently give grants in some circumstances. I spoke with their representative after a poetry reading I gave at Arklow culture night and she said they would give a grant towards the cost of bringing out a book.

A visual artist I know said they are no good, they promise a grant and fail to keep their promise.   My sister, who knows that artist, said that is just him. I said the silly bitch did not have a card. My sister said if I call her that I won’t get any money. I suppose she’s right, my sister.   She sometimes is.   I am trying to avoid being annoyed with the world and all its works and pomps but am having difficulty doing that. Restraint is a virtue at which practice makes perfect.   I’m not there yet.

Maeve Binchy said she does not agree with subsidised art, neither do I. Beggars can’t be choosers. There’s no harm in trying. They can only say no, although I foresee having to jump through many bureaucratic hoops before achieving a result, positive or negative.   Bureaucracy and me are not good friends. A bureaucrat thinks rules are more important than people.

I was never too proud to be on the dole. If the county council come up with the goodies I could return it at a later date. There is always that possibility. Bob Dylan took some time deciding whether to accept the Nobel Prize money. I myself walked to the dole office on foot, not barefoot. Through the snow.

That then is the state of play. Situation normal, all fouled up. A solicitor I worked for said to a client “We will wait until the situation clarifies itself”.   Situations don’t clarify themselves, you have to clarify them.   Or in this case, me.   I must be the clarifier. With help from my friends.

Thanks, Shinobu. Also to others who would blush if I mention their names.   Humility is the greatest virtue. But you know that already.

I will work it out as I go along, crossing my bridges as I come to them. That is my plan. But what did Spike Milligan say? “I’m walking backwards to Christmas”.

And so say all of us.

Tich Ennis

10th August, 2017

Optimists

Optimists in Ireland buy an open topped car.

Rain is not far away, not very far.

Sun hats are rarely seen, rare as blue sky.

Nor sunglasses, don’t ask why.

Sun lotion is not a big seller.

If you don’t know why ask Joseph Heller.

He may never have been in Ireland, I don’t know.

Today the sun shines and the wind doth blow.

Okay, a breeze.

Leaves rustle in the trees.

Swallows fly in times like these.

I need to recharge my phone.

I rang a friend, I’m not alone.

I look upward, I see a kite, the feathered kind.

And blue sky, oh never mind.

This is one of the few days you can wear Summer clothes.

A day to remember, one of those.

Tich Ennis

12th July, 2017

My Book

I have each and every part, assembling them will break my heart.

Where do I start?

How do I join files together?

Free me from stormy weather.

What on Earth are page breaks?

My heart aches.

Have I got what it takes?

Everyman his own Gutenberg, for every boat, an iceberg.

I must give it to the printer as he requires before either or both of us expires.

Or retires.

Each genius perspires.

They wish to light fires.

So I ordered a book about Word, another book for my shelf.

Physician, heal thyself.

Tich Ennis

12th July, 2017

Brain

Where is a man with a better brain than me?

I need some help you see.

I mean what the Hell, oh well.

I know what I want but not how to do it, I’m not a bloody expert in everything.

I know almost nothing about some things, how can I know everything?

I could pay someone to do it if I had money, that’s funny.

Experts can be a pain in the arse, someone told me to go somewhere and ask for Mr. Jarse, Hugh Jarse.

I can’t make my website, that’s what I’m saying.

Should I try praying?

Swearing at technology doesn’t make it work but it makes you feel better.

End of letter.

(I apologise for cursing and swearing.

It’s a substitute for caring.

Some man in India and many others have offered help, at a price.

If you want a thing done right do it yourself, that’s my advice.

Einstein’s brain has been preserved.

I am unnerved.)

Tich Ennis

18th June, 2017