Is God vengeful, vindictive, a sore loser? Getting his own back on us? What did we do wrong? What did I do wrong? Is being born a mortal sin? Our mortality rate is very high, a hundred per cent. We’re here for a good time, not a long time said a man in a pub. And I quote.
Edna O’Brien, who is a good Irish writer, not of Mills and Boon type though we have some of those, said her mother said we are not meant to be happy. Another man in a pub said there’s no such thing as happiness. He said his wife went off with a million pounds. I recommended my sister marry him, she said she doesn’t want to marry a man who drinks whisky at ten in the morning. He has a nice house but my sister has one already.
Why marry? Find a woman you don’t like and give her your house. I’m full of quotations, some Irish comedian said that first. Another man said he tried being a comedian but no one laughed. That’s a joke for a start.
Now where was I, God. Don’t get me started. I asked my nephew, who does not believe in God, if there is a God could he have made people with a burning desire to be an artist, with the soul of an artist but not the talent? Yes, my nephew replied. He is an artist, my nephew, not God. Ok maybe God is an artist. A piss artist. Will I go to Hell for saying that? Is God Van Gogh, passionate, I would say so. Is he misguided? Who has he to look up to?
As a young person I had interaction with a paedophile but he didn’t do anything. He said I was too innocent. He did with other boys. Duane Eddy, guitarist, had a piece of music called last moment of innocence, which I didn’t like. I mean the name. I thought it was too close to the bone, being then a teenager, innocence left behind. And lamented.
God, do we have to do it all for you? Do I? Okay, joke. A man asked another why do you always answer a question with another question and the other man said do I? He was a Kerryman. Has God a dirty mind? What can he have been thinking of when he dreamed up sexual reproduction? Porn movies?
My title here, Cruel God, may be ironic, sardonic, sarcastic, whatever, or just a grab your eyes headline, speaking as a former journalist. Are you buying? A newspaper should make you fall out of your chair in amazement said William Randolph Hearst, newpaper magnate. See tabloids, red tops, comics. Or any other paper, posh or otherwise. We read newpapers which support our prejudices. Judge not lest ye shall be judged.
Is God a psycho? If so, what hope is there for us? Some boys like pulling the wings off flies. Are those boys made in God’s image, as we are told at school we all are? A fight broke out in a jail during anger management class, I think that’s funny but that’s just my sense of humour. Would psychiatric help help? Help God, I mean. After all, he is a serial killer. He kills us all. Can he reform or be reformed? You have to want to give up your addiction. Are you persuasive?
I’m dying to meet God, so are many others. In fact all, believers and non believers alike. Does God believe in God? Do you believe in yourself? Do you believe yourself? Can you believe your eyes? Are you hallucinating? Is God a drug addict? Or has he left us to our devices, devilish though they may be?
Imagine for a moment that I am God. What do I say? I’ve done my bit, now its up to you.
Call me mad, call me non-existent, but call me. Wars are waged in my name. Who’s wrong, who’s right? You figure it out. I’ve got better things to do. Sudoku. Karaoke singing. Whatever turns you on.
Life is a joke but you don’t get it.
Sorry God, I’m only joking.
8th December, 2018