Category Archives: Bullshit

Jesus Christ

Me:  Did you see the guy in Australia who says he’s Jesus Christ?  He has a girlfriend he says is Mary Magdalen.  He said the last time I came you crucified me.  He is about thirty-three, rather good looking and charismatic.  He is clean shaven, they invented electric razors in the last two thousand years.  He has some followers, mostly middle aged, middle class rather well off American women.  Why they follow him I don’t know, he is rather good looking.  A Mills and Boon idea of religion.  Why do they show that stuff on television, as a sort of freak show?

Michael:  A freak show.

Me:  Are there just as many nuts in Australia as everywhere else?

Michael:  Just as many.

Tich Ennis

25th January, 2018

 

 

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The Troubles

The trouble with Ireland is all the hardworking, intelligent, energetic people emigrated. I stayed behind, draw your own conclusions.

Some people come to live in Ireland. What the Hell for? The weather? It takes all sorts to make a world. Once there were nothing but Irish people here or more or less, God was it boring. All the buildings falling down and all that sort of thing.

If you go to England you can meet Irish people, but why? Or Spain or America or wherever the Hell else. Avoid Irish pubs, they rip you off. Okay for one day, they will tell you the good places to go, somewhere else is a good idea.

So some Irish guy was in a pub in America going on and on about how wonderful Ireland is, the people, the music, the mountains, the scenery and so on and on and on. If its such a great little country why did you leave it, said his drinking companion.

We Irish love to talk. So a friend of mine was in a foreign country not very far away and he started talking to the man beside him.   The other man, who was not Irish, said you came here to drink, why do you want to talk? That question would not make sense in Ireland.

During the seventies the I.R.A. were bombing, shooting and murdering everyone, mostly each other. We called that the troubles. The second world war was called the emergency in Ireland. Do we ever call things what they are?   We were neutral during that war, but neutral on which side?

Come to Ireland, its better than nothing. It’ll do to be going on with. But don’t stay long, we might drive you mad.   If you’re not mad already.   Ireland is a state of mind, it exists only in the imagination. The imagination of a drunk God. We take after him. What are you having yourself?

I could go on and on, being Irish, but its closing time. Have you no homes to go to?   We have your money, you can go home now. A barman at closing time.   The long goodbye.

So some American came back from the toilet in a bar in Dublin. He said there’s no lock on the toilet door.   I never heard of anyone stealing a shit said the barman. That’s Ireland for you.   Me too.

I’m Irish, what do you expect?

Tich Ennis

22nd January, 2018

 

 

Theory

In theory I am a genius but in practice no.

I have a long way to go.

I am an apprentice millionaire, just starting out.

When I find out how I’ll give you a shout.

I am the world’s greatest lover, I have some practice in that sphere.

I just say to a girl, come here.

Theory means nothing if not put into practice, learn that first.

Then do your thing, shut up, or else you’re cursed.

Dream while you’re asleep, not all day.

That’s more or less all I have to say.

Mere words are a waste of time.

Is this a poem or a rhyme?

Don’t live only in theory, don’t you see.

Leave that to me.

Tich Ennis

21st January, 2018

Still Voice

A still small voice said that is right the stronger voice said good night.

The still voice said do not shout the strong voice said I know what its all about.

The still voice said you use the word I if you do that we will die.

The strong voice said shut up you fool I was the bully at my school.

The still voice said you murder me the strong voice said I do it in the name of free.

The still voice said you fly a false flag a flag is after all a rag.

The strong voice said how dare you insult what is great I condemn you to your fate.

The still voice said you know you’re wrong the strong voice said get back in your box where you belong.

The strong voice said I rule the roost shut up still voice your goose is cooked.

The still voice said when will peace be the strong voice said I believe in me.

That’s the trouble don’t you see said the still voice silently.

Tich Ennis

13th January, 2018

World Leaders

See what Trump is up to and Theresa May.

See what world leaders are up to, allow them have their say.

Then go away.

Some say the news is bad for you, it drives you mad.

You’re better off ignoring it, it makes you sad.

Kings, dictators, and all the other blokes.

Are they comedians, do they tell jokes?

Is it funny, do they want your money?

Many have accounts abroad and are very rich.

What about people in the ditch?

Tich Ennis

26th December, 2017

Remain

God in the damp, God in the stain, God in the pleasure, God in the pain.

They do their best to kill God, kill the truth. God remain.

Stay sane.

Tich Ennis

26th December, 2017

Garda Corruption

Why did the guards conspire against an honest man?

Is it because he knew their plan?

Why did they frame him for something he didn’t do?

Why did they pretend they hadn’t got a clue?

Watch out or they’ll do the same to you.

Tich Ennis

24th December, 2017