Monthly Archives: January 2018

Jesus Christ

Me:  Did you see the guy in Australia who says he’s Jesus Christ?  He has a girlfriend he says is Mary Magdalen.  He said the last time I came you crucified me.  He is about thirty-three, rather good looking and charismatic.  He is clean shaven, they invented electric razors in the last two thousand years.  He has some followers, mostly middle aged, middle class rather well off American women.  Why they follow him I don’t know, he is rather good looking.  A Mills and Boon idea of religion.  Why do they show that stuff on television, as a sort of freak show?

Michael:  A freak show.

Me:  Are there just as many nuts in Australia as everywhere else?

Michael:  Just as many.

Tich Ennis

25th January, 2018

 

 

Advertisements

Cigarette Holders

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cigarette_holder

Does this tell you more about cigarette holders than you need to know?  I intend buying a cigarette holder, but not opera length nor theatre length, qv (which see).

Neither local shop I approached sell them.  I was advised if I travel to try a tobacco shop.

My reason for buying a cigarette holder is one or more of those outlined in the link above.  I have switched to ‘rollies’, or self-rolled cigarettes, as a cheaper option, turning my house into a sweat shop and my brother into my indentured servant, vassal or slave.  Later I may transfer him to my sugar cane plantation in Jamaica if he complains too much.

Now, a story.

A little girl asked a question about elephants.  A visitor returned some days later with a large book on the subject and gave it to the little girl, saying you asked about elephants.  The little girl read a few pages then said ‘This tells me more about elephants than I need to know’.

Similarly cigarette holders.

However, they appear to be still available.  Mine will not be made of onyx or other rare material, nor yet gem studded.

I am suffering from information overload.

Keeping up with Donald Trump is a full time occupation.

Elephants next time.

Tich Ennis

25th January, 2018

The Troubles

The trouble with Ireland is all the hardworking, intelligent, energetic people emigrated. I stayed behind, draw your own conclusions.

Some people come to live in Ireland. What the Hell for? The weather? It takes all sorts to make a world. Once there were nothing but Irish people here or more or less, God was it boring. All the buildings falling down and all that sort of thing.

If you go to England you can meet Irish people, but why? Or Spain or America or wherever the Hell else. Avoid Irish pubs, they rip you off. Okay for one day, they will tell you the good places to go, somewhere else is a good idea.

So some Irish guy was in a pub in America going on and on about how wonderful Ireland is, the people, the music, the mountains, the scenery and so on and on and on. If its such a great little country why did you leave it, said his drinking companion.

We Irish love to talk. So a friend of mine was in a foreign country not very far away and he started talking to the man beside him.   The other man, who was not Irish, said you came here to drink, why do you want to talk? That question would not make sense in Ireland.

During the seventies the I.R.A. were bombing, shooting and murdering everyone, mostly each other. We called that the troubles. The second world war was called the emergency in Ireland. Do we ever call things what they are?   We were neutral during that war, but neutral on which side?

Come to Ireland, its better than nothing. It’ll do to be going on with. But don’t stay long, we might drive you mad.   If you’re not mad already.   Ireland is a state of mind, it exists only in the imagination. The imagination of a drunk God. We take after him. What are you having yourself?

I could go on and on, being Irish, but its closing time. Have you no homes to go to?   We have your money, you can go home now. A barman at closing time.   The long goodbye.

So some American came back from the toilet in a bar in Dublin. He said there’s no lock on the toilet door.   I never heard of anyone stealing a shit said the barman. That’s Ireland for you.   Me too.

I’m Irish, what do you expect?

Tich Ennis

22nd January, 2018

 

 

Theory

In theory I am a genius but in practice no.

I have a long way to go.

I am an apprentice millionaire, just starting out.

When I find out how I’ll give you a shout.

I am the world’s greatest lover, I have some practice in that sphere.

I just say to a girl, come here.

Theory means nothing if not put into practice, learn that first.

Then do your thing, shut up, or else you’re cursed.

Dream while you’re asleep, not all day.

That’s more or less all I have to say.

Mere words are a waste of time.

Is this a poem or a rhyme?

Don’t live only in theory, don’t you see.

Leave that to me.

Tich Ennis

21st January, 2018

Big Bang

God exploded forming me and you.

The universe too.

A suicide bomber with a cause.

Universal laws.

Someday he will reform again when there is peace between men.

The universe expands, contracts.

Aware of its acts.

We die, we know that for sure.

God is the cure.

It has all been most interesting, an old lady said.

Then she rolled over dead.

One day we will all be one.

Wait for the last line full of fun.

I’m not the only one.

Eternal peace and happiness.

God bless.

Free us from this infernal mess.

A cat called Kess.

Tich Ennis

18th January, 2018

Appearance

The Sun appears to go around the Earth but that is not the case.

Do you believe your eyes, have you a pretty face?

I am a handsome poet or so some lady said.

She might like to be called that, she is not dead.

Your opinion may differ from others, mine does from my brother’s.

Do less obviously attractive girls get asked at a dance?

Do men deserve a kick in the pants?

Things are not as they seem.

Wake up from a dream.

Tich Ennis

17th January, 2018

Late

I’ve left it rather late to do anything at all.

I like writing most of all.

So I write, that’s what I do.

Do I sound anything like you?

I thought I couldn’t do it, now I don’t care.

I feel, the words are there.

I’m old, shall my story be told?

The most boring subject is oneself, that book stays on the shelf.

Everyone’s life is interesting, so I heard.

I believe in the word.

I wanted to write when young, and did some, sometimes I bit my tongue.

Don’t want to be, just do.

An old man’s advice to you.

Tich Ennis

17th January, 2018