The trouble with Ireland is all the hardworking, intelligent, energetic people emigrated. I stayed behind, draw your own conclusions.
Some people come to live in Ireland. What the Hell for? The weather? It takes all sorts to make a world. Once there were nothing but Irish people here or more or less, God was it boring. All the buildings falling down and all that sort of thing.
If you go to England you can meet Irish people, but why? Or Spain or America or wherever the Hell else. Avoid Irish pubs, they rip you off. Okay for one day, they will tell you the good places to go, somewhere else is a good idea.
So some Irish guy was in a pub in America going on and on about how wonderful Ireland is, the people, the music, the mountains, the scenery and so on and on and on. If its such a great little country why did you leave it, said his drinking companion.
We Irish love to talk. So a friend of mine was in a foreign country not very far away and he started talking to the man beside him. The other man, who was not Irish, said you came here to drink, why do you want to talk? That question would not make sense in Ireland.
During the seventies the I.R.A. were bombing, shooting and murdering everyone, mostly each other. We called that the troubles. The second world war was called the emergency in Ireland. Do we ever call things what they are? We were neutral during that war, but neutral on which side?
Come to Ireland, its better than nothing. It’ll do to be going on with. But don’t stay long, we might drive you mad. If you’re not mad already. Ireland is a state of mind, it exists only in the imagination. The imagination of a drunk God. We take after him. What are you having yourself?
I could go on and on, being Irish, but its closing time. Have you no homes to go to? We have your money, you can go home now. A barman at closing time. The long goodbye.
So some American came back from the toilet in a bar in Dublin. He said there’s no lock on the toilet door. I never heard of anyone stealing a shit said the barman. That’s Ireland for you. Me too.
I’m Irish, what do you expect?
22nd January, 2018