Unknown Celebrity

Am I the greatest unknown celebrity the world has ever known? This question puzzles me to distraction. Oxymoron, a self-contradictory term. Hyperbole, exaggeration. Vocabulary lessons extra, no charge. Cheap at twice the price.

How am I known and unknown at one and the same time? Does the public want to know? Does its left hand know what its right hand is doing? Or left foot? Has it put its foot in it? Do I suffer from foot in mouth disease? Or is the boot on the other foot, are they the sufferers?

Do they suffer from self-inflicted wounds? When ignorance is bliss tis folly to be wise. Its no use being wise after the event. In the event of my death will there be many or any mourners at my wake? Who shall deliver the eulogy? Is there a logician in the house?

There are more questions than answers, Johnny Nash. Don’t rush to judgement. Who is the author of the greatest poem? Anonymous? Pet name, Anon. I shall be with you anon. Or without you. The choice is yours.

Genius is akin to madness, second cousin or thereabouts. You choose your friends, not your relatives. Am I relatively sane? Sanity is in the eye of the beholder. Don’t all rush to answer. Form an orderly queue. Observe the regulations, then ignore them. We’re Irish, we don’t do rules.

Famous for being famous? Not me. If I had fame what would I do with it? Sign autographs? Cheques? Passports? My own death warrant? Not if I can help it. So I live in penury, poverty and obscurity. How can I be in three places at once? Its easy when you know how. There’s no fool like an old fool. Experientia docet. Experience teaches. Latin classes free of charge. I’ll larn yeh.

Know thyself, said the Oracle. What was the question? How may I know everything. Or words to that effect. Go back to first principles. The proof of the pudding is in the eating. Are you enjoying your meal? As you cook, so shall you eat. Don’t let me put you off your food. For thought or otherwise.

Do you like Irish stew? I do. Does that make two? The only rule at the farmer’s table is stretch your arm as far as you’re able. Gibberish and nonsense rule the world, I demand my say. Freedom of speech. For idiot and non-idiot alike. Equality in all things. Like and unlike. Good and bad. Sane and mad.

For afters, your just desserts. Me. For free. Lets not cannibalise each other. Show respect. Whatever that is. Look it up. Life is a learning curve. For those who want to know. Quick or slow. All welcome. Bring your brain. Your heart and soul. Old made new.

I have things to do and so have you.

Has Sherlock Holmes a clue?

Is mystery history?

Is madness true?

Tich Ennis

28th December, 2016


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